Funny Stories for Kids

Gerald the goat had a problem. He ate things. Not just hay and grass, which were perfectly reasonable. Gerald ate the farmer's gloves (both of them). He ate half of Farmer Pete's newspaper. He ate a significant portion of the scarecrow's shirt. He ate a rubber boot, which he later regretted. On the particular Tuesday that became known in farm legend as Gerald's Very Bad Tuesday, Gerald made his greatest discovery. He found the laundry line. It took him approximately four minutes to eat a pillowcase, a sundress, one sock (not both, which was annoying), three dishcloths, and most of a bath towel. "GERALD!" The sound that came from the farmhouse was not a calm one. Gerald looked up with an expression of complete innocence, though this was undermined slightly by the bathmat hanging from the corner of his mouth. Farmer Pete stood in the garden with his hands on his head, staring at his laundry line, which now held only two socks (not matching) and a hat. "Why?" said Farmer Pete. "WHY?" Gerald found this question very hard to answer, mostly because he was busy working on the hat. The other farm animals watched from a safe distance. Harriet the hen had seen this coming. Dobson the horse looked sympathetic but had learned not to interfere. Even Chester the dog, who was usually optimistic, was slowly backing away. What followed was the most complicated bath Gerald had ever had, a long and emotional discussion about what food was and was not, and the installation of a fence that Gerald promptly tested three times before deciding it was probably too much work. He ate a dandelion in the corner and reflected that it had been an extremely productive Tuesday. Some lessons take longer to sink in than a rubber boot in a goat's stomach.

BEEP-7 was a perfectly good household robot. He could clean floors, sort recycling, and remind Max to do his homework in a voice that was somehow both polite and deeply annoying. What BEEP-7 could not do was understand jokes. "Why did the scarecrow win an award?" Max asked on a Wednesday morning. "Insufficient data," said BEEP-7. "Please provide context." "Because he was outstanding in his field!" Max said. BEEP-7 processed this for three seconds. "A scarecrow cannot win awards. They do not have legal standing. Also, 'outstanding in his field' is a geographical description, not a compliment. This statement contains two errors." Max put his head on the table. He spent the rest of the week trying. BEEP-7's responses to knock-knock jokes were deeply philosophical. His response to the chicken crossing the road was a three-paragraph analysis of road safety for poultry. When Max told him the one about the not-so-secret agent, BEEP-7 asked for a case number. On Friday, BEEP-7 made an announcement. "I have been studying human humor for 72 hours," he said. "I am ready to tell a joke." Max sat up. "Okay. Let's hear it." "Why did the robot cross the road?" said BEEP-7. "Why?" said Max. "Because Max's socks were on the other side and they had been there for four days and it was a hygiene situation." Max looked at the floor. There were, indeed, socks. "BEEP-7," he said slowly. "Was that a joke?" "It contained factual information delivered with the intent to produce a response," BEEP-7 said. "Also, Max, please pick up your socks." Max picked up his socks. He was also laughing. Maybe BEEP-7 understood jokes better than either of them thought.

The annual school costume parade was supposed to be the highlight of the year. The theme was Storybook Characters and everyone had been planning for weeks. Ava was going as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. She'd spent two weeks on the dress. On the morning of the parade, her little brother Leo (who was four and had opinions about everything) had gotten into the costume bag. What Ava found when she opened the bag: one sparkly crown, a dragon tail, a pirate hat, and a single red shoe. "Leo," said Ava, in a voice that was very calm because she was conserving energy for what came next. "Where is my costume?" "It's a surprise," said Leo. He was wearing Ava's Dorothy dress. It came down to his ankles. Ava looked at the pile of mismatched items. She had twelve minutes. She arrived at school wearing the sparkly crown, the dragon tail, one red shoe (her other sneaker), and the pirate hat on top of the crown. She announced she was Princess Dragon Pirate Dorothy, a completely new character she had invented that morning. Her best friend Mia, who'd spilled her mermaid costume in the car and arrived wearing a bathrobe and swim goggles, said she was "a mermaid who came ashore and ran out of energy." Three other kids had also experienced what the teacher called "costume modifications." The teacher called their costumes "creative." Ava won the prize for Most Original Character. She didn't tell anyone about Leo until dinner, when everyone thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard. The best costume isn't always the planned one.

Sir Flopsy was the most serious knight in the entire Burrow. His armor was polished (it was tin foil, but polished tin foil). His sword was ready (it was a very stiff twig). His quest was clear. Someone had stolen his carrot. The carrot had been on his bedside mushroom the night before. Now it was gone. Sir Flopsy narrowed his eyes. A mystery of this magnitude required investigation. "The thief must have crept in from the left tunnel," he announced to his squire, who was a beetle named Barry and had zero opinions. He questioned the field mice. Suspicious. They were always eating things. He questioned the sparrows. Very suspicious. They had flying capabilities, which meant access. He questioned the hedgehog next door, who pointed out that she'd been asleep for three weeks and was not available for questioning. Sir Flopsy returned home empty-pawed. He sat on his bed and thought hard. Something poked his foot. He looked down. The carrot was under his bed. He must have knocked it off in his sleep. Sir Flopsy stared at it for a long time. He picked it up. He ate it. He told nobody. Later, when Barry the beetle asked if the quest had been successful, Sir Flopsy said only that the carrot had been recovered and that the details were classified. Barry did not have opinions about this either. Sir Flopsy went to bed feeling like a great knight. The carrot was very good. Sometimes the mystery has a very simple answer, but the adventure was still worth having.

Jake had been practicing his presentation on volcanoes for two weeks. He had flash cards. He had a model volcano. He had practiced in front of the mirror, in front of his dog, and in front of his grandmother, who had fallen asleep during the second practice but he decided to count it anyway. The presentation was at 10 AM. At 9:58, Jake got hiccups. Not small hiccups. Not polite hiccups. Hiccups that sounded like a seal falling down stairs. HIC. "Jake, you're up," said Ms. Reyes. Jake walked to the front of the room. He took a deep breath. "Volcanoes are formed when--" HIC. The class made the sound a class makes when something unexpected happens. A sound like twenty children trying not to laugh at once. Jake's face went red. He continued. "Magma from inside the--" HIC "--earth pushes up through--" HIC "--cracks in the--" HIC HIC HIC. His model volcano wobbled with each hiccup. The class was now in various stages of losing it. Mia had her hand over her mouth. Danny had his head on his desk. Jake made a decision. If you couldn't stop it, you might as well own it. "The volcano..." HIC "...builds pressure..." HIC "...for a very long time..." HIC "...and then..." he pointed at his model volcano, took the deepest breath he had... HIC. The class absolutely lost it. Even Ms. Reyes was laughing. Jake got an A. Ms. Reyes wrote: "Best unplanned dramatic timing in ten years of teaching." The hiccups stopped at noon, which was too late to matter and also somehow perfect. Sometimes your worst moments become the best stories.

Tim the turtle lived by a pond. He was a normal turtle. But Tim had one problem. He had a very big sneeze. When Tim sneezed, his whole body shook. His head popped out of his shell. He spun around like a top. "Ah-choo!" Tim sneezed one day. He spun into the grass. The frogs laughed. "Tim, you sneeze like a rocket!" they said. The ducks laughed too. "Do it again!" they said. Tim was sad. "I do not want to sneeze," he said. "It is not funny." Tim tried to stop sneezing. He held his breath. He pressed his nose. But a sneeze always came out. "Ah-choo!" He spun across the mud. The animals laughed again. Tim hid in his shell. He stayed there all day. His friend Mia the mouse came by. "Why are you hiding?" she asked. "Everyone laughs at my sneeze," Tim said. "They are not laughing to be mean," Mia said. "They think it is fun." "It is still silly," Tim said. "Everyone is funny in their own way," Mia said. "That is a good thing." The next day was the pond race. All the animals lined up. Tim was slow, but he wanted to try. "Ready, set, go!" said the duck. The animals ran. Tim walked slowly. He was far behind. Then Tim felt a tickle in his nose. "Ah-choo!" he sneezed. Whoosh! Tim spun and rolled all the way to the finish line. He crossed it first! The animals cheered. "You won!" they yelled. Tim blinked. "I won? Because of my sneeze?" "Yes!" Mia said. "Your silly sneeze helped you win." Tim smiled. "Maybe my sneeze is not so bad," he said. "Ah-choo!" he sneezed again. He spun in a happy circle. The animals clapped. Tim the turtle was the star of the pond.

Lily could not find her socks. Not under the bed. Not in the drawer. Not on the floor. "Mom! My socks are gone!" Lily yelled. "Look again," Mom said. Lily looked. No socks. She only had one blue sock and one green sock. "I cannot wear these," Lily said. "They do not match." "Just wear them," Mom said. Lily put on the odd socks. She was grumpy. This was a bad morning. On the bus, a boy pointed. "Your socks do not match!" he said. Lily felt her face get hot. Then she had an idea. "Yes," Lily said. "My socks went to the moon." The boy blinked. "What?" "My good socks flew to the moon on a rocket," Lily said. "These are my moon socks. They are very special." The other kids leaned in. "Tell us more," they said. Lily smiled. "Last night, my socks built a tiny rocket. They counted down. Three, two, one. Blast off! They went to the moon." The kids laughed. "Did they wave goodbye?" a girl asked. "Oh yes," Lily said. "They waved their little sock tails." "What are they doing on the moon now?" the boy asked. "They are playing in the moon dust," Lily said. "And eating cheese." The whole bus laughed. Lily laughed too. Her grumpy face was gone. "Your socks are funny," the boy said. "I know," Lily said. "Moon socks are the best." All day, kids asked about the moon socks. Lily made up more stories. The moon socks met a rabbit. They slid down a crater. They took a photo with a star. When Lily got home, she found her socks. They were in the washing machine. "Found them!" she said. But the next morning, Lily wore her odd socks again. "Why?" Mom asked. "Because these are my moon socks," Lily said. "They make everyone laugh. And a good laugh turns a bad day into a good one." Mom smiled. "Then keep your moon socks close."

Max and Dad were in the garage. They had boxes and tubes and tape. "What are we building?" Max asked. "A giggle machine," Dad said. Max laughed. "What is a giggle machine?" "It makes people laugh," Dad said. "Hand me that tube." Max gave Dad the tube. Dad taped it to a box. He added a bell and a horn. "Now turn the crank," Dad said. Max turned the crank. The machine went honk! Then beep! Then it made a sound like a duck. Max laughed. "It works!" They took the machine outside. Their neighbor Mrs. Green walked by. "Turn the crank," Max said. "It will make you laugh." Mrs. Green turned the crank. Honk! Beep! Quack! Mrs. Green laughed so hard her hat fell off. "That is silly!" she said. More people came. Kids from down the street. A man walking his dog. The dog barked at the machine. Honk! Beep! Quack! The dog barked back. Everyone laughed. Max's tummy hurt from laughing. "Let me try!" said a little girl. She turned the crank. Honk! Beep! Quack! She giggled and clapped. The whole street was laughing together. It was loud and happy. "Dad, why is it more fun with people?" Max asked. "Laughing with others makes the fun twice as big," Dad said. The sun went down. People said goodbye. They were all smiling. Max and Dad carried the giggle machine inside. "Can we use it again tomorrow?" Max asked. "Every day," Dad said. "But maybe after breakfast." Max hugged the giggle machine. "You are the best machine ever." Honk! Beep! Quack! Max laughed all the way to bed.

Dad came downstairs in his pajama shirt. "Where are my pants?" he asked. Maya and Leo looked up from their cereal. "I do not know," Mom said. "Did you check the chair?" "Yes," Dad said. "No pants." Dad looked under the couch. He looked behind the door. He looked in the closet. "My pants are gone!" Dad said. "Maybe a monster took them," Leo said. "There is no monster," Dad said. "But maybe your socks ate them." Maya laughed. "Pants do not get eaten by socks, Dad." "Then where are they?" Dad said. He scratched his head. The whole family searched. Mom looked in the kitchen. Maya looked in the bathroom. Leo looked under his bed. "Found them!" Leo yelled. Everyone ran to Leo's room. Leo was pointing at the dog. The dog was lying on Dad's pants. "Buster took them!" Leo said. Buster wagged his tail. He did not want to give up the pants. "Buster, drop it," Dad said. Buster stood up. Dad's pants had dog hair all over them. There was a hole in one leg. "Oh no," Dad said. "My good pants!" Dad looked silly in his pajama shirt and no pants. The family started to laugh. Dad laughed too. "Okay, this is funny," he said. "Put on your other pants," Mom said. Dad put on his old pants. They were too short. "Look at Dad's legs!" Maya laughed. Dad did a funny dance. Everyone laughed harder. "See?" Dad said. "Everyone makes silly mistakes. That is okay." That night, Buster slept on Dad's other pants. But Dad just smiled. "At least someone loves my pants," he said.

Sam was at the park. He felt shy. He did not know any kids there. Sam saw a boy sitting alone on a bench. The boy looked sad. Sam wanted to say hi. But he did not know how. Then Sam remembered the pickle in his pocket. He had put it there at lunch as a joke. Sam walked over. "Hi," he said. The boy looked up. "Hi," he said. Sam took the pickle out of his pocket. "I keep a pickle in my pocket," he said. The boy blinked. Then he laughed. "Why?" he asked. "Just in case," Sam said. "You never know when you need a pickle." The boy laughed harder. "That is so silly," he said. "I know," Sam said. "My name is Sam." "I am Tom," the boy said. "Do you want a pickle?" Sam asked. Tom shook his head. "No thanks. But do you have a banana too?" Sam pulled a banana out of his other pocket. Tom laughed so hard he fell off the bench. "You really do carry snacks!" Tom said. "I like snacks," Sam said. "Want the banana?" "Yes," Tom said. He ate the banana. Sam ate the pickle. "Why do you keep food in your pockets?" Tom asked. "To make people laugh," Sam said. "It worked. We are talking now." Tom smiled. "Yeah. It worked." They played on the swings. They went down the slide. They shared more silly jokes. "Knock knock," Tom said. "Who is there?" Sam asked. "Pickle." "Pickle who?" "Pickle in your pocket!" Tom laughed. Sam laughed too. "That is a good one." When it was time to go home, Tom said, "I was sad before. Then you made me laugh." "A small joke can make a new friend," Sam said. "Can we play tomorrow?" Tom asked. "Yes," Sam said. "I will bring more pickles."

Danny the dragon had a problem. His breath was very stinky. When Danny said hello, the flowers bent over. When Danny smiled, the birds flew away. "Hi, Danny!" the squirrel said. Then the squirrel smelled Danny's breath. "Oh no!" the squirrel said. He held his nose and ran. Danny was sad. "Why does everyone run away?" he asked. Danny sat by the river. He breathed on the water. Bubbles rose up. Even the fish swam away. "This is terrible," Danny said. A wise old rabbit hopped by. The rabbit did not run. The rabbit held up a tiny umbrella. "Your breath is strong," the rabbit said. "I know," Danny said. "I do not know how to fix it." "When did you last clean your teeth?" the rabbit asked. Danny thought. "Clean my teeth? Dragons do not clean teeth." "Ah," the rabbit said. "That is the problem. Good habits, like brushing, keep friends close." "I do not have a toothbrush," Danny said. "Make one," the rabbit said. "Use a branch and some mint leaves." Danny found a soft branch. He found mint leaves. He brushed his teeth. He brushed and brushed. Then Danny breathed out. The air smelled like mint. "It works!" Danny said. The rabbit smiled. "Now go say hello to your friends." Danny ran to the squirrel. "Hi!" he said. The squirrel sniffed. "You smell like mint!" he said. "I brushed my teeth," Danny said. The squirrel hugged Danny. "Welcome back, friend!" The birds came back. The flowers stood up straight. Even the fish popped their heads out of the water. "Danny's breath is fresh!" they said. Danny was happy. "I will brush every day," he said. "Then we will always play together," the squirrel said. Danny smiled a big, fresh smile. All his friends smiled back.

One night, the Lopez family was in bed. Then they heard a sound. Thump. Thump. Wiggle. "What is that?" Dad asked. They all went to the kitchen. The refrigerator was dancing! It wiggled left. It wiggled right. It spun in a circle. "The fridge is dancing!" Maya said. The fridge played a little song. Doo-wop, doo-wop. It shook its door like a tail. "Fridges do not dance," Mom said. But this one did. "We have to stop it," Dad said. "We need sleep." Dad tried to hold the fridge still. The fridge spun away. Dad fell on the floor. Maya laughed. "Dad, dance with it!" Dad stood up. He did not look happy. But then the fridge played a happy song. Dad tapped his foot. Then he wiggled. Then he spun with the fridge. "Look at Dad go!" Maya yelled. Mom started to laugh. She clapped her hands. Then she danced too. Leo did a silly dance with his hands in the air. The whole family danced in the kitchen. The fridge was the DJ. "This is fun!" Maya said. The fridge did one last spin. Then it stopped. It opened its door and let out a cold puff of air. "I think it is tired," Mom said. They all laughed and caught their breath. "That was the best night ever," Leo said. Maya looked at the fridge. "Why did it dance?" she asked. "Maybe it wanted us to be happy," Dad said. "We were grumpy about sleep," Mom said. "But music and dancing can cheer up anyone." The next morning, the fridge was normal. It did not dance. But the family did. At breakfast, Dad wiggled. Mom spun. Maya and Leo laughed. "See?" Maya said. "The fridge taught us something." "Always dance," Leo said. "Even if you are a fridge." The whole family laughed. And the fridge hummed a happy song.

Leo wore his favorite red hat to the park. It was warm and soft. It had a big pom-pom on top. Then a pigeon swooped down. Zoom! It grabbed the hat and flew off. "Hey!" yelled Leo. "That is my hat!" He ran after the pigeon. It landed on a bench. Leo tiptoed close. The pigeon flew to a lamppost. Leo climbed up one step. It flew to a bus stop. "Come down here!" said Leo. The pigeon did not listen. It flew to a fountain. Then to a hot dog cart. Then to a mailbox. Leo ran and ran. His legs got tired. The pigeon landed on a low tree branch. There, in the fork of the branch, was a nest. The pigeon dropped the red hat into the nest. "Now you live in my nest," the pigeon seemed to say. Leo had an idea. He bought a cookie. He held it up. "Trade?" said Leo. "The cookie for my hat?" The pigeon tilted its head. It looked at the cookie. It looked at the hat. Then it flew down, took the cookie, and let Leo grab his hat. The pigeon ate the whole cookie in one gulp. It looked very proud. The trade had worked. Leo put on his hat. It was a little messy but still red and warm. "Next time," said Leo, "I will hold my hat with one hand." He walked home with a big smile. And the pigeon sat in its nest, eating a cookie, very happy.

Mom made a big pot of soup. It bubbled and popped. It smelled so good. "Come and get it!" called Mom. Everyone ran to the table. But the soup pot had other plans. The lid went pop! And the soup jumped out. Whoosh! The soup slid across the table. It looked like a wobbly orange snake. "Catch the soup!" yelled Dad. The soup slid off the table and out the back door. Everyone ran after it. The soup wobbled across the grass. It slid past the swing set. It rolled around the garden. "It is faster than me!" said Grandpa. The dog ran after the soup too. The cat jumped out of the way. The soup slid around in circles. It slid under the garden chair. It jumped over a small flower. It almost rolled into the fish pond. Dad waved his hands and turned it back. "Stop, soup!" said little Ana. But the soup did not stop. Then the soup hit a big rock. Splat! It made a big orange puddle. The chase was over. It was the silliest chase ever. Everyone stood and stared. The soup was everywhere. "Well," said Mom. "I guess soup wants to be outside today." Dad got the hose. Grandpa got the bucket. Ana got the dog, who was licking the grass. They cleaned up the mess together. Then Mom smiled. "I made sandwiches instead," she said. "Sandwiches do not run away." Everyone laughed. They ate sandwiches outside. And no one had to chase their dinner again.

Every morning, Ava made toast. And every morning, the toaster sang. Eeee-oooh-weee! The toaster squeaked when the bread popped up. "What is that noise?" asked Ava's brother Max. "That is the toaster singing," said Ava. "It has been doing it all week." The toaster sang again. Eeee-oooh-weee! It was not a pretty song. It sounded like a sad duck. "We should buy a new toaster," said Mom. "Wait," said Ava. "Let me listen again." She put in two slices. She pushed the lever down. Pop! Eeee-oooh-weee! Ava laughed. "It sings a different note every time!" Max put in his bread. Pop! Ooooh-eeee-weee! A different note again. "It is making up a song!" said Max. Soon the whole family stood by the toaster. Each person made toast. The toaster squeaked high and low. It was silly and loud. The toast popped up golden and hot every time. The toaster gave a happy little squeak. It sounded like a small party. "We can buy a new toaster," said Dad. "Or we can keep our singing toaster." "Keep it!" said Ava and Max together. So they kept the toaster. Every morning it sang its squeaky song. The toast was warm and good. And the whole family sang along, very badly. "Our toaster is not broken," said Ava. "It is just a very bad singer. And we love it anyway." Mom smiled. "It sure makes breakfast fun." Ava learned that a funny noise can be the best part of the day if you choose to love it.